Angels

There's a lot in this life that I'm unsure of....but, I know I always believe in angels. You've heard me refer to my angels many times already, but let's give them the light that they deserve. Angels play a huge role in my life. Angels not only lift me up, but they give me the strength to spread my wings. The experiences and encounters with people I've known and with people that were virtually strangers to me in the last year have been so profound that I know it's been something spectacular...these were Angels planted in my path and were with me, by my side, at the very moment that I needed them. That's not luck, it's just pure magic. I know that I"m strong enough to endure quite a lot, but there have been times that I've really needed some help. I'm not good at asking for help or seeking it out. I typically try to just warrior through the moment and hope for the best. What I'm finding, is that there have been angels constantly there to help pick me up and give me the strength to fly. My angels have appeared in person to give me a hug or just sit and listen. I've had angels send me daily or weekly texts, cards or prayers that have lifted my spirits and guided my faith. I've met some angels in my dreams where they've practically sent me the message that I will be ok. Amazingly, I met people during chemo that I know I was meant to meet. These women are now like my sisters. I'm truly blessed and a better person for learning from and leaning on all of the people that have kept me going and kept me feeling true to myself in my darkest, weakest moments. I had a nurse when I was in the ICU and let me tell you, she was one tough mama! I think if I would have met her on the street, her harshness would have made me go the other way. As I came to find out, she was an ex military nurse and I"m sure she has put up with her fair share of difficult cases. In my moments with her in the hospital, I truly needed her. She got me. She realized that I was/ am a fucking fighter. I didn't need roses and butterfly moments ( I don't know what that is, I just made it up) or people to hold my hand and cry...ok, so I might have needed that too, but I also needed someone who understood that I was not giving up and I didn't want anyone coming in my room that wasn't ready to help me get over this hurdle. I literally couldn't get out of bed. I had zero strength and not to mention I was on high flow oxygen because it took so much out of me to even breathe. Despite all of this, when it was time to use the bathroom I told her I WILL get up to use the bathroom. Nurses came in and tried to convince me of other methods, but I was adamant...I"m getting out of bed to use the bathroom like a normal person no matter how hard it was, end of story. Holy crap, it was hard...lol! Sorry this is a little TMI,, but it's my truth. As doctors and nurses came in "Nurse X" would say before they even got to my bedside "Don't even try to talk her out of it, Mia is getting up when she sees fit". This woman gave me strength. She gave me courage and she made me feel ok with the choices I was making. She was with me through the scariest moments of my life. She is one of my angels. My wings were so broken, but she helped me mend them and now I'm soaring. I think of her often, and I'm so grateful that by some miracle, she was there for me. I even think of the random stranger that would give me a compliment on a day that I was feeling lower than low. Kind words can raise spirits and fill one's heart and soul in the most sincere way. I hope I can be an angel to so many people. I want my friends, family and even strangers to know that they do not carry their burdens alone. I tend to think that during my difficult days, I only have one angel wing. My other one is just really broken. That one good wing is strong and determined to fly, but I lean gracefully on my angels to lend me one of their wings to help me soar. When I am strong and feeling whole, I hope to lend one of my wings to someone in need. If cancer rewards me with the compassion and intuition to recognize someone needing love and support, then it was worth it. Look for your angels, they are there. Maybe, hopefully I will be one of yours, because you are all one of mine. -M