I Forgive You
Updated: May 22, 2020
Here's the scoop.....I've been angry. I've also been feeling hurt, annoyed and just completely mesmerized by how much insensitivity I've been surrounded by in the last few weeks. Perhaps it's due to ignorance, but it still hurts. I have not wanted to write about the societal response to this pandemic because I've never wanted my site to be political or divisive in any way. What I have come to realize, however, is there is a voice that is lacking in all of this. It's not from the left or the right, there's plenty of that to go around, but rather from the population of people who are deemed "vulnerable". That's me. I'm vulnerable. There is an overabundance of opinions from individuals expressing their opinions about what is right and what is or isn't necessary right now, but quite often these opinions are ostracizing those of us who are actually fearful of what could happen if we contract this virus. When the COVID19 death toll numbers are reported as "but they were of the elderly or immune compromised populations", my head just wants to explode. We are human. We are worthy and our lives are just as important as yours. If you want to really break it down, many of us have fought and continue to fight harder for our lives than any of you could ever imagine. So being true to what I set out to accomplish with this website....I will be the voice of an immune compromised, vulnerable human who will not feel belittled by your disregard for all human life. I have battled microscopic cancer cells that started taking over my body...Believe you me, I will fight your misconceptions of who matters in this whole mess just as hard.
If cancer has taught me anything, it is this: I have a voice. A voice that matters and that does not silence just to make you happy. My life is valuable. If not to you, then to me, my children, my family and my dear friends. The battles I fight on a daily basis would blow your damn mind if you just took a second to ask me about it. I've learned hard lessons about faith, love, grief, acceptance, loss and what it truly means to be resilient in the face of adversity. Not the kind of lessons that you read about in a book, but the kind that sucker punch you in the gut, make it impossible to sleep at night and those that leave you weeping on the bathroom floor. While some apparently see this vulnerability as easily disposable, I see our vulnerable community as the type of people who you would really want around in both the good and the bad times. We don't give up easily and we see immense beauty in the simplest of experiences. We are a gift. We are gifts to the universe that are worth standing up for, worth wearing a mask for and worth acknowledging as those you wish to not live without.
Un fortunately, I feel that our society is so far divided that my plea to be taken into consideration will fall on deaf ears. Even so....I forgive you. I forgive you for not making me feel loved. I forgive you for not making me feel important. I forgive you for forgetting me and once again making me a statistic. It hurts, but I've been here before.Your weakness has made me stronger. In the words of an amazing human Mahatma Gandhi " The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong". Holding on to my anger for your lack of decency does not serve me. I have learned through my cancer journey and now through this pandemic experience that I am stronger than I personally ever realized and stronger than you could possibly imagine. To my vulnerable peers...I wish you peace. I wish you love and I wish you good health. Keep being brave and know that I see you and value you for the amazing soul and spirit that you are. Thank you for teaching us strength, grace, determination, bravery and what it means to be exquisitely beautiful. We are strong. We are worthy. We are valuable.-M