Some Grit & Some Grace
I mean, at some point you just HAVE to believe in divine assistance when the timing of something is far better than anything you could have mustered up as a plan yourself, right? About a week before my latest health setback, I excitedly accepted an invitation to be a guest on my first ever Podcast. Beck and Nik at "Talk Grit and Grace" have launched the most amazing platform where women are sharing their stories, traumas really, and using their experiences to uplift others based on what they have learned when some of life's toughest lessons have been thrown at some the most beautiful souls. To be included in this lineup was, well, an honor. It was also the first time I've been asked to "tell my story". I jumped right in and shared an overview of the last 3 years of my life. What I was shocked by, was just how much I didn't even get to cover because I was fearing it was taking such a long time to tell it! haha! THREE YEARS of my life have been in one way or another consumed with doctor appointments, scans, surgeries, tears, celebrations, fear and so many life altering lessons. That's a lot of information to take in and in this case, dispense out. I tried my best to focus on the bullet points that packed the most punch, meaning, they have left a pretty significant imprint along the timeline that is my life. I remember moments after recording the pod, that I felt kind of tired!! It was emotionally exhausting bringing up all that I've endured, but also very empowering. I had such a great conversation with the most inspiring and kind hearted hosts. Just a week later, I found myself in another hospital room with another surgery and trauma staring at me head on. The irony, obviously, is that my story is/was far from over. "Mia Overcoming Cancer" as the episode was called, was in reality "Mia pausing to come up for air as another round of trauma is heading towards her". Obviously that title is a little long....might lose a few listeners. haha..sorry, dark humor for the win! (wink) Perhaps, after some reflection, the gift for me has been hearing the words of a brave soul who has been through so much and listening to her story of her rise from the ashes with the insight of her wisdom, strength and resilience just days after my story was breaking me into pieces once again is the gift of a lifetime. A gift that, in fact, has helped me to emerge from the dark shadows of fear, guilt, embarrassment, loneliness, grief and pain. I listened to myself and that woman I was hearing moved me. She inspired me. Her resilience was remarkable. Her mindset and her ability to push through some incredibly challenging situations and draw the most raw, honest and beautiful conclusions from her experiences....holy crap...that woman is me.
I am 100% the type of human that does not give herself enough credit. Ever. It's a fact. I would like to think it's just me being humble, but maybe it's not such an admirable quality after all? I don't know....it's one of the many things I'm trying to figure out about myself as I move forth in my life. Even just a week or so ago, I would have probably said I find myself in a "lull". Meaning, I'm in this temporary interval of quiet or lack of activity. I'm recovering from one surgery/trauma and preparing for another in just a matter of months. I'm calling "bullshit" on myself and I'm recognizing that while I may not be climbing a damn mountain (today), I'm digging in and trying to help myself heal body, mind and spirit so that the day the next surgery rolls around, I am at the top of my game. I'm also realizing that it's ok to have a little fun and adventure along the way. I'm slowly emerging from the darkness I felt I was sitting in just as recently as my last post. I'm kind of sick of the dark. At least give me some twinkle lights or a giant spotlight to dance in. Way more my speed. This woman I listened to sparked something inside me to just keep going. I have inspired myself (weirdest thing I ever thought I'd say), to show up and "just do you". This is me, trying to do me and really show up in the process. Sitting in the dark for awhile has been necessary for me to be completely ok emerging into this light that feels so good on my skin. While I'm anxious and excited to fast forward to my next surgery so I can put the pieces back together again, I'm also finally ok with seeing what I do with this time right now that I'm given to unveil pieces of me that I didn't really know existed. Just like that warrior doing her first podcast, this is my first go around in the situation I find myself in now and I just might blow it out of the water?!! Time will tell, but I think the history of my ability to move forward with my head held high and dare I say, spin it all into gold, is on my side.
My inner 16 year old just watched the movie "To All the Boys-Always and Forever" on Netflix. What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic even at my age! As sweet and predictable as the movie was, one line stood out to me.... "I'm a person who saves things...I will hold on forever". My sister would probably agree that as kids I totally saved everything to a point of driving her absolutely crazy. haha! Sorry, sis. These days I find myself holding on to a lot of things forever, just in a different way. "Things" has changed to feelings, experiences, moments...you get the idea. This podcast, hell, this cancer experience the good, bad and the ugly....I will save and hold on forever because deep down once I clear away the debris that is the pain, worry and heartbreak I have faced, is the soul of a survivor. A strength, resilience and beauty that I don't always see or recognize, but when it emerges it makes me so incredibly proud. To feel actual pride in oneself is really something I think. I am actually grateful for the experiences that have forced me to look inward and discover what I'm really made of. My story, my journey, my thoughts, my fears, my emotions, my dreams.....this is me, saving or more like savoring it all and holding on forever. -M
Take a Listen.....I hope you enjoy! XOXO
Mia Overcoming Cancer on Talk Grit and Grace
or find on:
"You are so capable. Just be true to you. Do you. Do what makes sense to you and I don't think you will fail. I think you will thrive and I think you will find out things about yourself that maybe you didn't want to find out, but yet they are really empowering. (My story) has changed my life and it has changed the way that I'm going to go forth in this second chance of living that I have and I"m not going to take it for granted and I'm just going to embrace it all."-Mia Rose, Talk Grit and Grace Podcast, 2021